a Wanderer’s diary

The snow! The snow! Only 4 days (at the time of writing) ago I was still in Japan. I didn’t do much there. Meditation, thinking, skiing, writing. But what better use of my time could there be? I do not know.

I did produce my article on Dostoevsky’s biography of which I am extremely proud. Whether or not it get’s accepted by the Evangelical Review of Theology and Politics is another thing, but as a tool, a delving into the profound mysteries of reality, I dare say it is of utmost value towards the reader’s spirit. Yet that is it for the biography, I shall write on it no longer, back to my reflections in a winter land.

On my time back home (in Hong Kong):
I realised why I dislike being in Hong Kong. The reason is nothing external, but purely internal. My lack of productivity, work, and routine. I feel I sit around, get nothing done. Don’t go to the gym. I become lazy, rather useless and tired.

I play video games, especially Football Manager 2024, that insidious game of deep football profundity and education is unfortunately not viewed to my brain as enlightening, but rather demonic and time-wasting. And in many more ways I begin to waste my life away.

No longer am I that intelligent (if I dare say), driven, hardworking person that I am in Oxford whose rock can be borne and struggles confronted. I am now this useless being with little to no productivity.

Yes, I did give a talk, reduce some of my commitments in relationship to the Church and the Youth Group I ran, summarised and provided a powerful and worthy analysis of the situation to the Pastor. However, I still felt rather unproductive at core.

Worst yet, this was not the fault of anyone, only myself. That is the harsh reality. I have no excuse not to work. Yes I may be on holiday, but still, my discipline needs to be there. Without that discipline, that routine, that mind of marble, you will be depressed regardless of where you go.

On Relationships:

Sometimes I do feel rather lonely when I return to Hong Kong. I do have great friends, family, but still I am in a solitary state, which does take its toll on my mind and my social life. Especially during my holidays, I spend most of the time at home, in Hong Kong, with my parents, working, or as seen above playing Football Manager. And if it is not for the return of my old friends from my past returning at the same time to the Sweet Harbour “香港” (Hong Kong in chinese), then truly I feel completely hopeless in my ability to meet new friends.

A Napoleonic Tendency:

My fellow Wanderers is it cold? Is it chilly? To Wander is not to be at home! To Wander is to leave the comfort of the home, the fireside, and to adventure into the coldness of the world. To Wander is TO BE. To Wander is TO BE Napoleon.

Napoleon is a tendency in Dostoevsky, think Raskolnikov, or perhaps Turgenev’s Bazarov. The going beyond one’s conventions to affirm the will, anticipating Nietzsche. This is our state of the world. We must become Napoleons as Wanderers, the Wanderer of the sea of fog does not remain as the Monk by the Sea, but the Wanderer above the fog.

Until next time, my fellow Wanderers.